Hang over scale

[Ickle]

Sent from the Internet (Details)



New Years Day Hangover Scale


1 Star Hangover *


No pain.
No real feeling of illness.
You slept in your own bed and when you woke up there were no traffic cones
in there with you.
You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from
all those booze shots. However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and
still feel as parched as the Sahara.
Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a side of fries.


2 star hangover * *


No pain, but something is definitely amiss.
You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a
stapler.
You hug a coffee and try to remain focused but it is only exacerbating your
rumbling gut,
which is craving a full English breakfast.
Although you have a nice demeanour around the house, you are only capable of
aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.
Every picture you see, you can for the first time see each and every pixel
plain as day.


3 star hangover * * *


Slight headache.
Stomach feels like the inside of a Suma wrestlers jock strap.
You are definitely a space cadet and not productive.
Anytime someone walks by, you gag because her perfume/aftershave reminds
you of the random booze shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the
bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 a.m.
Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen
doughnuts
and a litre of coke watching daytime TV.
You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 Sausage Rolls and a litre
of
diet coke yet you haven't peed once.


4 star hangover * * * *


You have lost the will to live.
Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you
might lose last nights supper.
Your partner has already lambasted you for celebrating late and has given
you a
lecture for reeking of booze.
You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact
that you either missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving or it looks like you
put
your make-up on while riding a rollercoaster. (depending on your gender).
Your teeth have their own individual sweaters.
Your eyes look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a
reject from the second-grade class picture circa 1976.
You would give a weeks pay for one of the following :
Home time, doughnut and somewhere to be alone, or a time machine so
you could go back and not have gone out drinking on New Years.
You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.


5 star hangover * * * * *


You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
everyone around you.
You nailed the cat with the telephone book because the sound of it's paws
as it walks accross the floor is too hard on your brain.
Booze vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.
You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from
brushing your teeth.
Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is
suffocating you.
You'd cry but that would take the last of the moisture left in your body.
Death seems pretty good right now.
Your partner doesn't even get mad at you and your friends and kids think
that the dog just died because you look so pathetic.
You should have stayed on the floor because, let's face it, all you can
manage to do is breathe ......very gently.


6 star hangover * * * * * *


You arrive home and climb into bed. Sleep comes instantly, as you were
fighting it all the way home in the taxi.
You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises inside your head wake
you up.
You notice that your bed has been cleared for take off and is flying
relentlessly around the room.
No matter what you do you now, you're going to chuck. .

You stumble
out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht under full sail.
After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls
knocking off all the pictures, you find the porcelin throne.
If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you spontenously
explode and wake the whole house up with your impersonation of
walrus mating calls.
You sit there on the floor in your underware, cuddling the only friend in
the
world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus
noises.
Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts.
With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back
to 15-minute intervals, but your body won't relent.
You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and
swear
that you saw your tonsils projectile out your mouth.
It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day
as you try to climb into bed.
You reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for
your partner driving you to the hospital.
Living is NOT an option.

[bk_blue]

This is GREAT and all too true. I have a slightly Australianised version on my fridge. :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Ickle]

Hi Bk Blue
Think this came to uk sheltie list via international sheltie list which originates in Australia so it is probably the same one
Hope you had a good New Year celebration The fireworks looked great on television :lol: :lol:
Ickle

[bk_blue]

thanks Ickle hope your New Year's was good too. :) I saw some of the fireworks on the tv and we made our own out of steel wool and string (don't ask) :roll: :wink: and of course there were people at the nearby parks letting off more illegal fireworks.