Guest Anonymous Posted December 8, 2002 Posted December 8, 2002 Dear Fellow Dog Enthusiast, Does it seem like every time you try and post a question or comment to a dog list, you get yourself into trouble? If so, then this list is for you.If you religiously follow all of the rules on this Official DON'T list, you'll never get in trouble again. ~~ The Official Dog Enthusiast's DON'T List ~~ DON'T let your dog sleep in your bed. It will cause aggression problems down the road. DON'T make your dog sleep in a crate. Crate is just another word for small cage. DON'T let your dog sleep outside at night. If God had wanted dogs to sleep outside, he would have covered their body with hair to keep them warm. DON'T let your dog sleep. You should be playing with him all the time. DON'T keep more than two dogs. Each individual dog requires considerable time and energy, and it is impossible for a responsible dog owner to spend quality time with more than two dogs. DON'T keep less than five dogs. Dogs are pack animals, and five dogs is the minimum number for proper socialization. DON'T feed your dog kibble. Kibble is the invention of evil capitalists who want your money, and kibble has no nutritional value whatsoever. You might as well feed your dog sawdust. DON'T cook your dog's meat or chicken. Cooking destroys all the nutrients. DON'T feed your dog raw meat or raw chicken. Raw food contains salmonella, e-coli, and other harmful bacteria. DON'T let your dog drink out of a plastic bowl. It will turn his nose pink. DON'T post messages to a dog list. You will surely get bopped on the head for thinking that someone else cares about your silly little opinions. DON'T poke your eye with a sharp stick. It has nothing to do with dogs, but it's a good rule nonetheless. DON'T microchip your dog. A nearby cell phone can cause a microchipped dog to explode, or so says the lady running the tattoo booth. DON'T tattoo your dog on the ear. A dog thief will cut off the tattooed ear. DON'T tattoo your dog on the thigh. He'll be a tripod before you can say Ginsu. DON'T keep a collar on your dog when unattended. He could get caught on something and choke. DON'T leave your dog unattended without a collar. He could run away without any identification. DON'T transport your dog in a plastic crate. Plastic crates don't allow sufficient air flow. DON'T transport your dog in a wire crate. In a car accident, a wire crate transforms into a doggie skewer. On days you plan to have a car accident, it's acceptable to use a plastic crate. DON'T let your dog drive. It's against the law in many states. DON'T enter your dog in conformation. It's b-o-r-i-n-g for the dog. DON'T enter your dog in obedience. It's B-o-r-i-n-g with a capital "B." DON'T enter your dog in agility. The jumps will injure his joints. DON'T send your dog out with a handler. Only a psychopath would send their beloved pet with a complete stranger. DON'T handle your dog yourself. You've got a great dog, and he deserves a much better handler than you will ever be. DON'T get a purebred dog. Too much inbreeding has produced dogs with temperament and health problems. DON'T get a mutt. You don't know anything about their pedigree. In fact, if you're thinking about getting a dog, get a cat instead. DON'T don't. That's right, you heard me, just don't! DON'T leave your dog's dewclaws intact. He will rip one off jumping a log or something, which is quite painful. DON'T remove your dog's dewclaws. Dewclaws are acupuncture points that are needed for proper functioning of the kidneys. AND, the #1 DON'T .... DON'T trim your dog's whiskers. Dogs use their whiskers to determine the size of their head, which is important when they are out shopping for a new hat I thought this was hilarious :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote
Horsefeathers! Posted December 8, 2002 Posted December 8, 2002 Trinity, this is probably one of the best things out of all the usual forwards and junk I get in my email. I put it on another email list I'm on and some people seemed to find it offensive. Go figure. Some people are wound up just too tight, I guess. I think it's a riot. Quote
Guest Anonymous Posted December 8, 2002 Posted December 8, 2002 Horsefeathers, I got this on a breed list I am on, and a lot of people were offended there also. I think it is because on different days people give differing versions of what is the "right" thing to do with a dog. People sometimes treat the advice they give like it comes from God's mouth to our ears :roll: , when the truth is that for every person who says one thing, there is another who says the opposite. Later, Trinity See my girls at www.geocities.com/trinityess Quote
corgilady Posted December 8, 2002 Posted December 8, 2002 How could ANYONE be offended? It's hilarious! :lol: Quote
Rowie-the-Pooh Posted December 8, 2002 Posted December 8, 2002 Haha! I read this before somewhere(forgot) but it is just too funny! The best one is the Don't microchip your dog and the don't Tatooe your dogand the Don't Don't! :D LOL! :D Quote
bk_blue Posted December 8, 2002 Posted December 8, 2002 I too have read this before and thought it was hysterical! :D How anyone could take offence to it is beyond me :roll: Quote
mouseatthebusstop Posted December 8, 2002 Posted December 8, 2002 :) LOL I have read it and I understand that whatever we do with our dogs was right one day :D Quote
Guest Anonymous Posted December 8, 2002 Posted December 8, 2002 :lol: Right Mouse!.....man that list just slays me. My favorite one is:DON'T poke your eye with a sharp stick. It has nothing to do with dogs, but it's a good rule nonetheless...but I am silly like that. Later, Trinity See my girls at www.geocities.com/trinityess Quote
Bensam Posted December 8, 2002 Posted December 8, 2002 :D :D Even a stopped clock is right once every 12 hours! :lol: :lol: Quote
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